


tell me all about your foreign wars

by theweightofus



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coming Out, Footballer!Louis, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, be kind it's my first one-shot, photographer!harry, well actually this is the first one-shot i have ever written in english
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 21:37:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1061926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theweightofus/pseuds/theweightofus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Sometime they only cuddled, wrapped in each other’s arms, pretending that things were okay, and Louis wasn’t going to hide and Harry didn’t cut his thighs when Louis wasn’t with him.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>But then Louis got discovered by someone important, and he had to leave Doncaster, and with Doncaster Harry, and the last night was full of kisses and some tears from Harry, and maybe one or two from Louis.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>or it's been six years, and Louis isn't sure he's ready to see Harry again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tell me all about your foreign wars

**Author's Note:**

> wowowoah so this is the first work i post on ao3, and it's one of the first stories i have ever written in this language because i'm not an english native-speaker ok  
> kudos/comments are clearly appreciated and the title (and same for the lines at the end of the fic) comes from the song "oh my stars" by andrew belle.  
> i hope you'll like it!

 

When Louis was only three, his father decided that it was time to verify his abilities; so, he put a ball in front of the child, and told him to pass it back.

It took Louis some seconds to understand what that meant, because after all he was only three, and he didn’t understand things quickly.

He then decided to kick it toward his dad, because it seemed the quickest thing.

He made his father smile, and Louis was so happy, because he didn’t smile often, and he thought it would have been okay, to keep kicking a ball.

His father left one week later.

Louis woke up at nine a.m., and it was weird because the house was quiet, and usually he would hear his mother cooking breakfast, or doing the washing up. So, he went to the kitchen, and he got there, he found his mother at the table, sobbing.

He asked where dad was, and she told him he wasn’t happy anymore with them, and then she started sobbing again.

He was only four, and he thought that, maybe, kicking a ball (“You’ll be a great footballer, Louis”) would make his dad be happy again.

His father came back, at the end, but just because Louis is a famous and rich and he, instead, is broke.

Louis sighs, now, looking at his reflection in the driving mirror, thinking that maybe he should have just given up back then, when his father didn’t come back after a month of hearing his mom crying in her bedroom at night.

He’s in London, and he wants to be back at his flat, go to bed and sleep for the entire day.

It shouldn’t be weird, to do a photo-shoot with other lads of Manchester United, because it’s just some photos and fancy clothes, but this time is different.

This time is different because the photographer is Harry Styles, and Harry Styles is so much more than everything Louis’ career is.

Louis gets out of the car and starts walking toward the building the photo-shoot will be.

He’s pretty sure he’s late, but he really needed some time to resign himself of the fact that he’s seeing Harry again.

It’s been almost six years.

He enters into the building and a girl on her twenties gasps and walks toward him.

“Good Morning, Mr Tomlinson” she says, smiling nervously, and Louis finds a little funny that she calls him “Mr” when they’re probably about the same age.

“Hi” he replies, staring at her, only at her.

“We were waiting for you, you’re the last today” she explains. “Follow me, please”.

The place is just a big shed with a lot of lights and the corner Louis is at looks like a changing room.

“I’ll show you what you have to wear” she says, motioning toward some clothes.

The other lads are all here, and they, especially Niall, salute him happily. It must me so easy for them, Louis thinks.

They do him a perfect quiff, and then he takes a lot of time to change, because he’s not ready yet, but then the girl of before is asking if everyone’s ready, and he has to go out.

There’s Niall, Liam, Josh and JJ, and Louis is glad Niall and Liam are here, because they don’t know anything about Harry, but they’re still his best friends, and Louis is sure everything is easier, with them.

“You haven’t met Harry yet, have you?” the girl asks.

Everyone shakes their heads no, except Louis, who tries not to look at anyone, scared they might understand something’s wrong, but nobody says anything.

But then a deep, low voice says “Hi everyone” and Louis has to turns his head up and looks at him.

Harry is beautiful, and Louis hasn’t seen him in six years, six fucking years, and he’s pretty sure his heart shouldn’t beat like this and he shouldn’t be so nervous, because Louis is always sassy and knows what to say; but this is Harry, and Harry is something else.

“I’m Harry, I will take the photos today” he says, smiling, and then they lock gazes and Louis’s breath stops for a moment.

Harry tells them what to do, where to be, and every time he calls his name, Louis feels something strange in his chest.

Liam notices there’s something wrong with him, because when they have to take some photos with just the two of them, he whispers “Are you okay?”. Louis just nods and smiles.

It doesn’t last long, at least. Harry tells them they can go after almost two hours, and everyone goes back to the changing room.

Everyone except Louis, of course.

He just stays here, staring at Harry that is looking at the camera, and then he notices Louis and says “Oh”.

“Oh, indeed” Louis replies, hoping it’s not too late for jokes.

“Hey, Lisa, could you leave us alone for a minute?” Harry says, talking to her assistant.

“Of course” Lisa replies, smiling and walking away.

When everyone’s away, Louis and Harry look at each other, and then Harry asks “How are you, Louis?”.

He shrugs. “I’m not complaining. What about you?”

“I’m okay. Now. You know, I’m better”.

Yeah, I know, Louis thinks.

There’s an awkward silence between the two of them, but then Harry says “Do you want to come to my flat, later?” and Louis can’t say no, because this is Harry.

And so, two hours later, he finds himself walking in a fancy flat, Harry at his side, and it’s only when they’re on the couch and ordering a pizza that he notices how the boy – no, the man – next to him has changed since the last time he saw him, that day in June when they kissed in Harry’s bedroom, sharing nothing but fear.

Harry is tall, much taller than Louis, and his eyes seem a little different, happier, and he doesn’t have the messy mop of curls he had when he was sixteen, and he doesn’t wear big sweaters anymore.

But something is still here, like the dimples that appear so often, and the way he touches his nose sometimes, and how he keeps clearing his voice while he talks, and Louis wonders if the scars of his past are still visible to everyone else, like a ghost that wanders alone trying to find someone who never asks questions, the same way Louis did with Harry.

“How’s Jay? And the girls?” Harry asks, turning his head to Louis.

“Fine. My mom has a new boyfriend” he says. “What about your mom? And Gemma?”

“Mom’s okay. She remarried some years ago” he replies. “Gemma’s the usual. She works as doctor now”.

“And so, you are a photographer, aren’t you? I’m happy the dream came true”.

Harry laughs. “Yeah, I would have never guessed to have a success like this. It’s incredible”.

Louis just nods, because he knows what Harry means and he feels the same way, too, just a little bit more scared that everything will finish.

They talk about random things until the pizza arrives, and they drink a lot of good wine, and then Harry asks Louis “Can I kiss you? I’ve been wanting it since you walked in”.

*

When Harry was sixteen and Louis was eighteen, the older lad used to go to Harry’s house after school; not everyday, but most of the time, he was here.

He would get on Harry’s bed and they would cuddle together, and Louis would tell Harry empty promises, like “We’ll run away one day” or “I’ll go away and you’ll come with me”.

Both of them knew they were just illusions, and never took them seriously. They were just a thing that Louis liked to do to give Harry hope, and maybe they worked, because Harry is here now and he’s real. They never told each other “I love you”. It was just a dumb thing, like Louis liked to think at that time, and Harry was scared of being gay, and Louis didn’t want to ruin his possible football career, so they kept it quiet. They kissed, and had sex, and it was good for a part, because the sex was good – as much as it could be for two teenagers – and Louis always made Harry laugh, and Harry never expected Louis to tell someone about his sexuality, never pushed him to the edge. They were almost strangers at school and something else outside, and they always floated around each other, even when they worried about looking like strangers in public.

Sometime they only cuddled, wrapped in each other’s arms, pretending that things were okay, and Louis wasn’t going to hide and Harry didn’t cut his thighs when Louis wasn’t with him.

But then Louis got discovered by someone important, and he had to leave Doncaster, and with Doncaster Harry, and the last night was full of kisses and some tears from Harry, and maybe one or two from Louis.

It hits Louis now, how Harry is the only one who knows everything about his past.

And it’s weird, because even after six years of total absence and not seeing each others, Harry remember the whole map of Louis’s body, and Louis knows how to make Harry whimper under him, and make him feel loved.

The cuts are still here, and he’s happy to notice that they’re fading, and he’s gentle and caring and kisses them with awe, hoping it’s okay, that Harry won’t mind.

Harry doesn’t mind.

Harry makes Louis ride him and puts his hands on Louis’s hips, and moans Louis’s name when he comes.

Louis kisses every tattoo that he can see on Harry’s body, keeps his gaze on Harry while they fall into the right rhythm, and it’s not weird at all, because after all, they’re still the same boys of six years ago, just more famous and taller (at least, Harry is taller).

“Have you had any boyfriend?” Louis asks when everything’s finished and they’re laying next to each other, Louis’s head on Harry’s sticky chest.

“Yes. But only one was serious” he replies.

“What happened?”

Harry sighs. “He outed you on radio. I got mad and he told me I was stupid because I didn’t even know you. I left the same day”.

“Wait, was it Nick Grimshaw? Because I hate that guy, you know”.

“Yeah, it was him. After him, I only hooked up with some models I worked with. What about you?”

“Me too” Louis says. “Only one serious relationship. He was tired of hiding and I just let him go”.

Harry laughs.

“What?” Louis asks, looking at him.

“It’s pretty much everything that happens in every relationship, no? You like someone and then one lets the other go” he replies.

Louis gulps.

“Harry…”

Harry interrupts him. “Missed you, Lou” he says, kissing the top of his head.

“I’m tired now. Let’s have a rest”.

Louis only nods and kisses Harry’s butterfly, and then closes his eyes, thinking he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

*

Louis leaves Harry’s flat the morning after, with a peck on the lips and promises to see the each other again.

(They’re not empty, this time.)

*

They do, in fact, see each other again.

Louis keeps making Harry laugh and Harry cooks Louis dinner when they eat together, and they keep it down and never meet each other outside, until Louis comes out.

It’s fast and said with a smile. Louis is at a TV show with some lads of his team, when the interviewer asks if there’s a special someone, and he smiles the way he usually does when he talks about Harry, and shrugs, and says “Well, there is someone, but I’ve never talked with him about us being public, so I don’t want to reveal his name for now”.

And that’s it, really.

Harry calls Louis and tells him that he’s proud of him, and Louis remembers the curly-haired boy who cried with his head buried in Louis’s shoulder one day, because he admitted to himself that he was gay, and so what he replies is “I’m proud of you”.

*

Sometimes he watches Harry and thinks that under his skin and his green eyes, and the incredible amount of hair on his head, there’s still a scared boy who he used to whisper sweet nothing at night.

He likes thinking that he loves Harry because even after six years he’s here, he embraced Louis’s life and made him feel worthy.

Sometimes he looks at Harry and kisses him while he’s talking, because Harry is just so perfect and lovable and makes Louis want to be a better person.

It’s not that everything is okay, like that day the homophobic insults were more than usual and Louis almost destroyed is own flat and Harry had to keep him tight the whole night

(Louis told Harry he loved him the day after, so it wasn’t a big loss, after all)

or like when Louis found a naked Harry staring at himself in the mirror with tears in his eyes, whispering to himself that the scars will always be here, and Louis kissed every millimetre of Harry, whispering to him that “you’re beautiful and I love you so hard, and the scars may always be here, but I’ll also be here and you’re not alone, never, I’m here, my love”.

*

_tell me all about your foreign wars_

_and all about the photographs that line your drawers_

_‘cause I know a lot about closing doors_

_but not enough about what open yours_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this! you can find me on tumblr ( lou-eee.tumblr.com ). :)


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